he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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