just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
