a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
