It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
