Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
