can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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