Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
