We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
