I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
