I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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