she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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