You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
