if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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