jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I want is dick and wine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
