I love having hate sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
