I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
