She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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