how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
