i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
