That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
