Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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