Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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