She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
