Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
