so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
