if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
