Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
