Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
