maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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