Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
