Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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