You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
