i may or may not be watching the land before time
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
where are my eyebrows?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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