I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
