you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
