can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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