giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
