Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
