Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
