its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, beer. Big fan.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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