Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
