If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
