I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
