i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
