The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
