The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
