is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
