He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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