Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
