I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
